Thursday 25 November 2010

44. Turbo Yeast Unspeakable Abhorrence from Beyond the Ninth Level of Hades

November has spawned a monster

Since my first bloody encounter with the demonic fungus known as the prince of lies, the root of all evil, the master of darkness or according to the packet Turbo Yeast™, a sachet has been sitting nefariously on top of the filing cabinet with the health and safety documents in it. I have decided to unleash its diabolical power on beer 44 of the blog. This week Turbo Yeast is fermenting a super-high gravity wort. If the malt had been kilned using the heat from a satanic orgy involving virgins, goats and Bill Oddie it would no doubt be slightly more evil but Simpson’s finest has to do in this instance.

The brewing team were allowed to get dressed up for this one

If the beer attenuates sufficiently this brew will have an ABV of 22.2. Mathematicians among you will have no doubt noticed that this number (for it is a human number) is the number of the beast divided by thirty. The hops are an unholy alliance of Mittlefruth, Strisslespalt and Marynka. These were chosen not for their brewing properties but because their names sound like dogs guarding the gates of Hades.

This beer will make Turbo Yeast Abomination from hell look like a soft drink for old ladies. It should probably never be let out.

Tech Spec:

Malt: Pale Ale, glucose

Hops: Mittlefruh, Strisslespalt and Marynka

Yeast: Lord Satan


Ed said...


BeerReviewsAndy said...

What Ed Said

ZakAvery said...

I still have the bottle of Turbo Yeast Abomination in the cellar. I frightens me when I look at it.

Melissa Cole said...

Why would you unleash this again (and why a picture of Nigella?! Actually, do I want to know the answer to that question?)

Stuart Howe said...

This is an upgraded Turbo Yeast Recipe Melissa. I have learned from the last Abomination so this one will be a fitting beverage for the sacrificial chalice of Mr Oddie and the Market Deeping Satanic Society.

I assumed that Ms Lawson's black and diabolical soul was evident to all.

Melissa Cole said...

Hmmm, I trust you (despite being the overlord of the most demonic creatures to walk the earth since the Freddy movies stopped) so for some insane reason I'm going to ask you to send me some when it's done... (pretty please!)

And as for Nigella, someone compared me to her the other day since my hair went dark so I get your point - evil!

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