Saturday, 8 October 2011

England Sleeping

Well, England are out of the world cup so my phone overfloweth with texts from all nations except my own reminding me that I am from inferior stock. To add insult to injury Wales are through which means my life at the gym for the next 7 days will be punctuated by huge grinning Welshmen telling me where we went wrong and predicting Wales to beat New Zealand by 80 points in the final. I will wish them well, principally because I value my teeth.

I hope the gloom of England rugby ineptitude excuses this very negative non beer related post.

I am passionate man. It is safe to that I am easily annoyed. Some things which others are able to ignore or which some people actually get pleasure from, make me want to commit mass murder. My most acute annoyances tend to change according to my environment. Currently in my top three in order of increasing irritation are;



3. Those adverts where actors playing real people talk about products in a disproportionately passionate way
For example a string of people from Birmingham who appear to be on the verge of orgasm because they have saved £4.28 on a £300 shopping basket in ASDA compared to the same one in Tesco. The worst one however is the conveyor belt of the unhinged in a shopping centre telling the shiny man that Colgate Sensitive toothpaste has mended their broken lives. I suppose what irritates me is not the adverts but the fact that they must be effective. Who is stupid enough to not be intellectually insulted by these ads?

2. Intrusive music
I can’t go to a shop, to a restaurant, sports match or watch a documentary without hearing music that I don’t like, often so loud that I can’t ignore it. When I go to a sporting event they even employ a tart or a twat to ruin the spiritual experience of hearing  50,000 of your countrymen sing the national anthem by warbling over it. I don’t take a PA system and subject people to the music which I enjoy so why do I have to endure what they care to broadcast?   


1.  People who have recently incorporated a throaty growl into their speech because the Americans on TV do it
In the 90s the Australians gave us the relentless use of sentences which ended with a questioning intonation. This seems to have been eased out recently by the idiot growl. It’s not so much the sound which winds me up it’s the idea that adults change the way they speak according to a fashion. Surely we all left the pseudo-American accents in the playground? 

There we go, that’s that off my chest. Before you say it’s because I’m getting old, I assure you if anything my tolerance has increased with time.


6 comments:

arn said...

i suspect being an englishman living in wales is not going to be fun over the next few weeks for me.

big col the brewer said...

We were beaten by a team that raised their game.
Watching the All blacks aginst france showed the importance of forwards who are quick powerful and can get to the breakdown and produce quick ball. M Johnston has a good selection of backs , but we must produce a pack that is mobile and agressive. Wales have learnt this from W Gatland. We can not even find a captain who can play for 80 mins. The french found a leader and they played for him and each other and they won.
The welsh derserve their chance should be a great semi.
big col.

Jamie said...

Cheer up- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rkNbTS7uhLE

Big tune.

Stuart Howe said...

Very tasty Jamie

Mark, Real-Ale-Reviews.com said...

You mean those actors in supermarket ads and toothpaste ads who aren't real people or real actors but the account directors wife or the marketing execs dog's cousins friend's penpals mum. Yeah, I'm with you on that entirely!

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