Wednesday 22 May 2013

Situation Vacant

I need some more Brewing Team Members for my brewery.

 Need Apply

  • Are you a brewer or do you want to be?
  • Do you want a job at a successful, fast-growing brewery which wins lots of awards?
  • Do you get a sense of achievement from learning and developing in a brewery making commercially excellent beers?
  • Do you like working in a team to brew lots of consistent beer?
  • Do you like hard work on shifts?
  • Do you have a good understanding of science and are you interested in applying it to brewing?
  • Do you or do you want to live in Cornwall?
  • Are you happy to commit to a few years of personal development before you start calling yourself a brewer?
  • Do you favour the balanced and consistent over the extreme and outrageous?

 Need not Apply

  • Are you a failed chef, artist, musician...?
  • Do you like talking about beer more than brewing it?
  • Do you want to make up exciting recipes using crazy ingredients?
  • Do you think 10,000 pints is a lot of beer?
  • Do you want to spend your life in a 2 barrel brewery inflicting olfactory armageddon on people while telling them they only don’t like your beers because they have been brainwashed by the multinational corporations’ media machines?
  • Do you think Mikkeller and Struise are highly-skilled brewers?
  • Do you think you can learn all you need to know about brewing by reading books published by US craft brewers?
  • Do you think the palate of the future drinker will be based on hop-forward, barrel-aged, sour and extra dark beers? 
If you are interested please e-mail the brewery. 


Cooking Lager said...

I don't really meet any of the need apply criteria being basically bone idle, apathetic and a skiver but I don't disqualify as I am not an awesome craft beer nutter.

This has left me perplexed. I could apply not being disqualified but would be unlikely to make the grade if anyone else of any calibre applied.

Is it worth a punt for the free grog?

Stuart Howe said...

Lacking aspects that preclude you from a job is not quite the same as being suited to it Cookie. I'm sure Hitler had a CRB check but that did not make him an ideal candidate for the position of a social worker.

We are looking for someone with the need apply criteria.

BeerReviewsAndy said...

"Do you think 10,000 pints is a lot of beer?"

depends on the context...I'd not want to try drinking that many on a Friday night!

. said...

Stuart, I told you not to wear that jumper in public. People will use it to represent a dork.

Stuart Howe said...

It felt like I did on Saturday Morning Andy

Stuart Howe said...

. that's not what you said when you knitted it for me Mum

Stuart Ross said...

I don't qualify for either. I'll stay where I am.

Stuart Howe said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Stuart Howe said...

I wouldn’t expect you to be attracted by this position for a minute Stu. You are making a good living brewing beer you love and receiving the adulation of your peers.

It is those who haven’t done the hard yards in terms of their development as a brewer and are only content making "in" beers for "in" people who will be looking for another creative outlet when the market for extreme tasting beers implodes.

Anonymous said...

Brilliant... Where do I send my CV...

Hope you are well, mate. When are you coming to visit in NZ?


Stuart Howe said...

2014 for a visit Kelly and I'm expecting you to brew a world class triple imperial oak-aged amber stout in readiness for my arrival.

Anonymous said...

Will plant the Quercus seedlings in anticipation... :)

JonR said...

i love brewing crazy extreme beers! my latest one was a Belgian style "quadrupel". i used four strains of yeast and some some american C-hops.

Stuart Howe said...

Sounds like a interesting beer Jon. I hope it is consistent, balanced, subtle, designed to partner good food. I also hope you don't expect to fund a successful commercial enterprise on the basis the sales of that beer alone.

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